(Absolutely nothing about this is edited. I started a timer and began writing!)
I think it’s scary to consider myself as a writer, or that I have the capability to inspire anyone. It’s not that I don’t believe in myself, it’s just that I think of others who can do it better.
Last night I watched this interview (well, part of it) with Chrissy Metz. She was talking about how even now she still gets nervous about walking onto the set of “This is Us”.” She was interviewing with Priscilla Shirer, and they both were saying that they have to be cautious of singling themselves out, thinking that everyone else in the room has it all together except for them. When in reality, everyone is freaking out just as much as they are.
I guess that’s where I find myself today. I wanted to start honing in on the gifts that the Lord has placed on the inside of me. So, I decided to become a member of COMPEL. One of the first assignments is to set a timer for 30 minutes and just write.
One thing I’ve found to be hard in all of this is wanting everything to be perfect, and to flow the “right way.” I have the vision in my mind, I can see, I can envision exactly what it is that I want to do, but I just cannot get it to work out.
I question myself, and I question whether this is a desire of my heart that God didn’t give me.
I question how authentic I come across when I write. I never want to be someone who is one way in writing and completely different in real life.
I’m not perfect by any means, of course! Lol! That challenger in me comes out real strong when I’m stressed, but overall, I want to be authentic to where I am, what I’m feeling, and what the Lord is doing in my life in a moment.
Speaking of (haha! This are STRAIGHT raw thoughts at this point! ), I am learning to stop putting words to what I believe the Lord is doing in a specific season. I think I’ve just grown up (since being saved) with this mindset that God loved for me to know that. While I do love having vision for what God is doing, at this point, I’m finding that I’ve become a bit controlling. Knowing what’s going on helps me to stay in control. It doesn’t allow me to free fall, knowing that God will catch me. It’s kept me in this box of what I know is certain.
One thing I DO know is that I’m learning to lose the box!
It’s okay to listen to more than worship music.
It’s okay to say “no” and to set boundaries.
It’s okay to remain when everyone else has walked away.
It’s okay to walk a new path and to be on a new journey.
It’s okay ro discover myself.
It’s okay to not have it all together.
Some days will not be perfect, and that’s okay.
It’s okay if I’m wrong (I think I actually like this — takes the pressure off!).
It’s okay to be weak. I don’t have to always be strong.
It’s okay to go slow.
It’s okay to process slow. It’s okay to read my Bible slow. It’s okay if I don’t catch “it” as fast as everyone else.
It’s okay to develop.
It’s okay for this blog to develop, for my artistic abilities to develop, for musical abilities to develop, and for photography skills to develop.
It’s okay to start over. While I was never one of those people who felt as if they had to be somewhere by a certain age, I am one of those people who thought they’d be somewhere by a certain season fo life. It’s okay to be where I am.
For the Two in me, it’s okay to invite people into the process, to really guard your heart, and allow the walls to come down simultaneously.
It’s okay to love… but with boundaries, baby girl! 🙂
It’s okay to let stuff go. If it’s God’s will, it’ll come back even better than before because now it’s developed, and you’ve developed because you’ve allowed him to work in you.
IT’S OKAY TO LET GO OF LEGALISM.
It’s okay to dream.
(Haha!!! 10 seconds to spare!!!!)